Thursday, January 30, 2003

Shop's closed. Love don't live here anymore.

complete (col. 2:9,10)
(t. mccloud)

if i lay my voice down at Your feet
will you still hear my song echoing
that i might end this game of hide and seek
because in You i am complete
oh in You i am complete
all the voices i hear in my sleep
all the sins of my past whispering
to stay off my knees and on my feet
oh but they, they can't compete
cause in You i am complete

I sent this song to Jonathan, believing that he'd realize how much I love him. He sent back something which basically said thet he didn't believe I felt that way. Ouch.

I don't much believe in happily-ever-after, especially for me. There is no such thing. And I never believed that there was one special person out there for me; neither did I put much trust in my relatives' belief that I would get marrried. Never. But with Jon, it was different. I would have walked the ends of the earth for this guy. I would have turned my back on everything that was home and gone with him. He only had to ask. That was the only thing he had to do. I would have sacrificed everything. EVERYTHING

It's all over now. I haven't heard from him in weeks and now, my heart is broken. Where I never believed I was capable of suffering for someone else's happiness, now I do.

I loved fully, and honestly, and truthfully when I fell in love with Jonathan David Oldhouser. And he didn't love me back. Never again. I will never, never love again.

Shop's closed. Love don't live here anymore.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Here we are again, fast approaching the most man-made of holidays (is it even that?!) - Valentine's. I remember being alone for most of the February 14s in my lifetime, but I cannot remember being this sad. I cannot think of how I'll be on that day....

I've been with Jonathan for almost 3 years and while we've gone through spells of not talking to one another, it has never lasted this long. And I've always had e-mail....Why do guys do this?

He has told me he loves me. And I do know him well enough to know that he means it. Then how come I practically have to beg for his attention? I'm standing on the verge of just ringing him up to hear his voice. Am I so insignificant to him that he thinks nothing of ignoring me?

Saturday, January 11, 2003

Just got hold of a book by Randolf S. David (Prof. Randy David, to us inhabitanats of the P.I.). I forgot what is was called, but it was a collection of the articles he had written for the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Everything was good. They were all cleverly written and I felt as if the good professor were reading the entries to me as I read them. For one who is extremely passionate about what he teaches and his convictions for the motherland, Prof. David is a very soft-spoken man. Very malumanay.....

I, on the other hand, belong to the school of thought that believes that passion is best expressed with noise. Plus, my statements are often punctuated with gesticulations that, if done by someone lighter, would cause that individual to take flight. As Jessica Zafra said: If you can't dazzle them with artistry, drown them with noise.......

You should all get a copy of Professor David's book....It's available at the Sociology Department of the University of the Philippines. 250 Pesos, I think....